[PHOTO]
This is the story of how I did not burn down my apartment.
You may wonder why it’s this story, and not the story of making asparagus bacon pizza, that I am sharing, but actually: they are the same. But not to hear my smoke detectors (plural!) tell it. “She was playing with fire! LITERALLY!”
Don’t listen to them. Every damn time I fry bacon or make pizza (or, God forbid, both), the thing starts screeching with such fervor that I have to stand underneath it flapping a dishtowel for a good five minutes before it shuts up. This time, however, it would not stop. No amount of flapping would silence it. So, having slid the pizza onto the stone, washed all the dishes, and generally just had it already, I dragged out my unsafe wobbly ladder and yanked out its D-battery. Peace at last.
Or not. Apparently we have two smoke detectors.
Sigh. The moral of the story is: this pizza is worth it. Bacon and asparagus is a beautiful together, and a few slices of tomato on there don’t hurt either. Also: do not fear homemade dough. There is like, zero kneading, and it tastes awesome.
(Apologies for the photo. There was no natural light to be had, even for good money) 
Two-Alarm Asparagus & Bacon Pizzaserves 2-3
1 1/2 cups flour (I used half whole wheat)
1 tsp. salt
3/4 tsp. yeast (I used instant because I have a whole jar of it)
1 tbsp olive oil
Cornmeal for sprinkling.
1/2 bunch asparagus, chopped into chunks
3 strips bacon
1 small tomato, sliced
1/2 cup mozzarellaStir together the first three ingredients in a bowl. Add water and olive oil, mix into a ball-like shape. Flour your countertop and knead it just long enough to form a real ball. Coat the bowl lightly with oil and dump your dough ball back in, rolling it around to coat all the sides. Cover with plastic wrap and let it rise until doubled in size, an hour or two.Punch down the dough (i.e., squish out all the extra air—you can be gentle) and roll it back into a ball. Let it sit another 20 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to as high as it will go. If you have a pizza stone (like lucky lil’ me), stick it in there first. If not, don’t worry. Either way, sprinkle a baking sheet with lots of cornmeal. In a frying pan, fry the bacon until crispy. Remove to paper towels, blot off the icky fat. Chop it up into pieces. Eat a few, I won’t tell.Toss your pizza dough in the air (over the counter! Mine fell on the floor once, shh) or use a well-floured rolling pin to roll it out on the prepared baking sheet. Top with asparagus, bacon, cheese, and tomato, in whatever order you like. It’s not really a science, just don’t go too heavy and you will be okay.Now, use the baking sheet as a pizza peel and kind of jiggle your pizza onto your baking stone, or just stick the whole thing in the oven and bake directly on the sheet. Be sure to (temporarily!) disable the smoke alarm. About 10 minutes later, take a peek. If it’s just getting blistered, you’re golden. 

This is the story of how I did not burn down my apartment.

You may wonder why it’s this story, and not the story of making asparagus bacon pizza, that I am sharing, but actually: they are the same. But not to hear my smoke detectors (plural!) tell it. “She was playing with fire! LITERALLY!”

Don’t listen to them. Every damn time I fry bacon or make pizza (or, God forbid, both), the thing starts screeching with such fervor that I have to stand underneath it flapping a dishtowel for a good five minutes before it shuts up. This time, however, it would not stop. No amount of flapping would silence it. So, having slid the pizza onto the stone, washed all the dishes, and generally just had it already, I dragged out my unsafe wobbly ladder and yanked out its D-battery. Peace at last.

Or not. Apparently we have two smoke detectors.

Sigh. The moral of the story is: this pizza is worth it. Bacon and asparagus is a beautiful together, and a few slices of tomato on there don’t hurt either. Also: do not fear homemade dough. There is like, zero kneading, and it tastes awesome.

(Apologies for the photo. There was no natural light to be had, even for good money) 

Two-Alarm Asparagus & Bacon Pizza
serves 2-3

  • 1 1/2 cups flour (I used half whole wheat)
  • 1 tsp. salt
  • 3/4 tsp. yeast (I used instant because I have a whole jar of it)
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • Cornmeal for sprinkling.
  • 1/2 bunch asparagus, chopped into chunks
  • 3 strips bacon
  • 1 small tomato, sliced
  • 1/2 cup mozzarella

    Stir together the first three ingredients in a bowl. Add water and olive oil, mix into a ball-like shape. Flour your countertop and knead it just long enough to form a real ball. Coat the bowl lightly with oil and dump your dough ball back in, rolling it around to coat all the sides. Cover with plastic wrap and let it rise until doubled in size, an hour or two.

    Punch down the dough (i.e., squish out all the extra air—you can be gentle) and roll it back into a ball. Let it sit another 20 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to as high as it will go. If you have a pizza stone (like lucky lil’ me), stick it in there first. If not, don’t worry. Either way, sprinkle a baking sheet with lots of cornmeal. In a frying pan, fry the bacon until crispy. Remove to paper towels, blot off the icky fat. Chop it up into pieces. Eat a few, I won’t tell.

    Toss your pizza dough in the air (over the counter! Mine fell on the floor once, shh) or use a well-floured rolling pin to roll it out on the prepared baking sheet. Top with asparagus, bacon, cheese, and tomato, in whatever order you like. It’s not really a science, just don’t go too heavy and you will be okay.

    Now, use the baking sheet as a pizza peel and kind of jiggle your pizza onto your baking stone, or just stick the whole thing in the oven and bake directly on the sheet. Be sure to (temporarily!) disable the smoke alarm. About 10 minutes later, take a peek. If it’s just getting blistered, you’re golden.